Are You Chasing the Wrong Definition of Success?

(Transcript edited for clarity.)

Hi, welcome to Are You Chasing the Wrong Definition of Success? I'm Wes. Thanks for being with me. Another thing I call this is Success Isn't This.

This is something I talk about often in small groups or one-on-one when I'm working with people. So often - and I've learned this from my experience too over the years - for many, many years I chased what I thought was success when it wasn't my success.

All of this is going to tie into one important thing, and please remember this as we go through it: You get to decide what success is for you.

If you don't get anything else out of this show today, that's what I want you to get: You get to decide what success is for you.

Think about this right now. What do you view as success or successful? What are you chasing? What success are you chasing? And then think: Why are you chasing that success? Is that truly your success?

Or maybe the better question is: Is that truly what you want?

It took me a lot of years to figure this out, but once I finally did, it led to a lot more peace - peace of mind - and it became a lot easier to make progress toward my success because I was actually chasing what I wanted, what I thought my success was, instead of someone else defining success for me.

Many people spend decades trying to climb a ladder that they never chose.

Think about that. Whatever ladder of success you're trying to climb, did you choose it or did someone else?

Success without intention still leaves you dissatisfied. Again, if you're chasing someone else's definition of success, even if you reach it, the odds are you're still going to be dissatisfied.

It's not going to make you happy. You get to decide what success means for you.

Here's the example from my life. As I was growing up and through my 20s and 30s, I wanted millions.

Success to me was all money. Money, money, money. I even had a number.

I'm like, if I get this much, then I'm set. Done for life. Retire. Whatever.

For 20 years or more, that was what was in my mind. So I chased money.

A huge, huge turning point in my life was when I finally figured out that it wasn't the money I wanted.

I wanted what the money could do. But even more important than the money, what I really wanted was freedom. Different types of freedom.

Health freedom, financial freedom, time freedom. Those are three things that, if you watch or spend any time with me, you'll hear me refer to many times because that was what changed my life.

When I learned that success to me meant freedom, it had very little to do with money.

Now, here's the thing about money. There's a title of a book that didn't make a lot of sense the first time I saw it recommended, but now I understand it completely.

The title is something like The Secret to Money Is Having Some. I don't know if that's a direct quote, but you can figure out which book it is if you're interested. It's an okay book.

That's not what this is about. I'm not recommending or not recommending the book. Read it if you want.

I read it a long, long time ago. The title is what has stuck with me, though. The secret to freedom is having enough money.

It's not having all the money. It's having enough. It's enough money that you don't have to worry about the money. You don't have to worry about today's bills.

You don't have to worry about this week's bills. Having enough.

The freedom is more important to me than any dollar amount.

What did I mention in freedom? I mentioned time freedom, financial freedom, and health freedom.

Health freedom has very, very little to do with money. We can talk about access to good health care, access to good foods, access to a good environment - yes, all that can be influenced by money.

But if you don't take care of your health, it doesn't matter how much you have monetarily. Your health is going to get you, right? So money has very little to do with health freedom.

Money has something to do with time freedom, but more important is how you design your time freedom. How you implement your time freedom. Is that a goal?

My goal for a long, long time has been not to have my schedule dictated by someone else - meaning not working for someone else in a job.

I have had plenty of jobs over my life, but for years I haven't been a full-time employee anywhere because that was how I designed my life.

I didn't want to have to ask someone if I could take off early to go to one of my kids' ball games or events or something. I didn't want to ask someone if I needed time off to do something. I didn't want to ask someone if I needed to take a day off for anything.

I have had to in the past.

Now I don't have to. Now I get to decide.

I can't take forever off because I have to produce, right? I understand that, but I get to choose the time.

I get to choose the time when I'm most productive. I get to choose most of the times that I work now.

That's an entrepreneurial mindset, and not everyone has to have that.

This is all tied into what matters to you. Remember what I said? You get to decide what success looks like for you. I'm not telling you that you should do what I want.

Your success shouldn't be my success. You get to decide.

I chose what success was to me, and it all came down to freedom.

Maybe that's not success to you, and that's fine. You can use these same concepts and ideas and systems to create ways to build toward the success that's important to you.

Society offers default definitions of success. Examine what actually matters to you.

The example I often use is social media. It's made this even worse. You see people living in these huge houses or huge estates, driving these hundred-thousand-dollar or million-dollar vehicles, or wearing a Rolex or other expensive jewelry.

That's all fine if that's what you want. But when you see these things on social media, often it makes us feel like, "Oh, I want that. That would make me happy."

I've never lived in a mansion, and now I wouldn't want to. You know why? Because someone has got to clean all those rooms.

If you've got 20 rooms or 50 rooms or whatever, fine. I only need a few rooms myself. The other thing is I don't like to have a lot of people around when I'm at home.

Some people will say, "Well, if you've got enough money to own a five-million-dollar mansion, then you can afford to pay somebody to clean it."

Yep, you can. And if that's what makes you happy, that's fine. That's not what success looks like to me.

I don't need the most expensive car. I definitely don't.

I don't even wear a watch, but I don't need a Rolex. I don't need it for the status because, if I did need a watch, I wouldn't pay that money for it because it's not important to me.

But again, I'm not telling you what your success looks like.

Maybe success to you is wearing the Rolex, driving the nice car, living in a mansion, whatever.

The point is, remember, you get to decide what success looks like to you. That's what this is about.

This whole message is: Figure out what success means to you, not what somebody else says it is.

Success should support your values, not replace them.

Go back to what I was talking about with chasing money.

If all you do is chase money, if that makes you happy, that's fine. Again, I'm not judging.

But if all you're doing is chasing money, then you might consider going against your values if it meant more money, right?

I finally figured out what my core values were, and they always come before the success part, as in business and making money.

I'll do a lot of things to make money, but nothing that goes against my core values.

I've chosen my core values first, and that's the filter everything goes through before it gets to the business stuff.

Build systems around your definition of success. That touches on what I was talking about with working for myself.

I don't want to answer to someone else. I don't want to have to ask someone for time off.

That is how I designed systems for my life for decades to get to the point where I didn't have to do that. I didn't start there.

I didn't wake up one day, decide, and have it instantly happen.

I woke up one day, decided, and then I started implementing systems that would lead me there eventually. That's how it works.

Now, closing thoughts.

A well-designed life starts with choosing where you're trying to go. Notice what I said.

I woke up one day and decided what I wanted, but I didn't get there immediately.

Once I decided what was important to me - and for this discussion, for me it was different types of freedom - that was my focus.

I started building systems and putting them into my life that would eventually get me there, which is pretty much where I am now.

Before building systems, decide what success means to you.

And remember the one thing I wanted you to get here: You get to decide what success means for you.

Again, I'm Wes. Thanks for being with me. I hope this helps. Please subscribe, and we'll see you soon.

·        Write down what success currently means to you.

·        Ask which parts of that definition you consciously chose and which parts you may have inherited.

·        Separate the things you want from what those things are supposed to provide.

·        Identify the values that should come before money, status, or achievement.

·        Choose one area where your current systems are moving you toward someone else's definition instead of yours.

·        Start building around the destination you actually want.

What's Next?

If you found this helpful:

• Download the free Small Wins Success System Worksheet.

• Subscribe on YouTube for new videos each week.

• Explore more articles and videos from Your Life Systems.